PROD VIII: APPARENTLY, YOU HAVEN'T ACTUALLY COME THAT FAR, BABY

This has been a rough week...even though it is only 2 days old.  In dog years, that's like 6 months... and this week has been a dog.  At moments like these, one starts to feel hopeless--WILL the clouds ever part?  Will the sun break through?  Will my life be a long and sad series of mundane events, rejections and disappointments?  And then... I see this subject heading in my email box:


ARE YOU A JACKIE OR A MARILYN? Timeless Lessons on Love, Power, and Style


And I know everything is going to be okay.  Especially when I begin to read in a bit further:


It is an age old question. The Shapely Blonde or the Brainy Brunette? The flirty actress or the sophisticated first lady? As far back as ancient times the Madonna and the Wh*re dichotomy has made women question themselves. If it’s Marilyn men want to sleep with, but Jackie they want to marry, who should they strive to be? Can they be both? And what can one learn from these two iconic women?
In her new book, ARE YOU A JACKIE OR A MARILYN? Timeless Lessons on Love, Power, and Style (November 1,2011), New York Times bestselling author, Pamela Keogh dishes on what Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis and Marilyn Monroe knew that made men adore them and women want to be them.
Everything from


So, now you have to ask yourself one question: Are you the type of woman men want to sleep with and then toss aside?  OR the type they want to marry and sleep around on?  These are important questions, ladies!  


Now, It can be hard to know if you're one or the other, particularly if your hair is one of those in-between colors.  Luckily PROD offers helpful tips on how you can channel your inner Marilyn or Jackie so that you, too, can achieve the relationship bliss that they did.


Here are just a few of the helpful tips:


• How Marilyn chose jeans that made men stop and stare (and how to keep those jeans looking like new)


Never underestimate the power of JEANS, ladies.  


• How to make friends and lovers feel special (Marilyn was a big fan of hand-written notes)


YES!  The hand written note.  You should also consider dotting your "i"s with little hearts and misspelling things (men like that!).  


Once you have established yourself as a Jackie or a Marilyn, PROD offers helpful tips on entertaining!


• Dinner Party menus for the Jackie and the Marilyn (including an updated daiquiri recipe)


Thank God, because my daiquiri recipe is WAY DUSTY!  I have the distinct feeling the Marilyn recipe is something SENSUAL like Steak Diane with flourless chocolate cake!...while the Jackie meal is probably poached salmon with asparagus and a fruit cup.  Because Jackie is sensible and thinks about things like cholesterol and fiber iuntake and Marilyn is all about sexily letting loose and wearing the right jeans.


I am scheduling interviews for Pamela Keogh.  She is available:
Tuesday, Novemeber 1, 2011 from 7 am to 4 pm PT
Wednesday, November 2, 2011 from 7 am to 11 am PT
With fun, useful advice on style, beauty, love, s*x, marriage, feathering your nest, the life of the mind, careers, culture, and how to make a lasting impression, Pamela Keogh is the author of the internationally bestselling illustrated biographies of Audrey Style, Jackie Style, and Elvis Presley: The Man, The Life, The Legend. A journalist, she has also been published in Town & Country, British Vogue, Self Magazine, The New York Times, and many other national publications.
If you are interested in an interview, please call or email with a preferred date and time.
Johanna Ramos-Boyer
JRB Communications, LLC


Oh you KNOW I'll be in touch.  Keep your eye out for my hand-written note!

Puppy Mills...Puppy Arthritis...Sad...but still...really?

Ok, PRODsters. This is indeed a sad issue. But still kind of goofy, in this country where there are definitely purse dogs that get better healthcare than many children do.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

JUVENILE ARTHRITIS IN DOGS LINKED TO PET STORES

FORT MYERS, FLA. - (October 4, 2011) - Is there a connection between pet stores, puppy mills and younger dogs with joint degeneration? Juvenile arthritis happens in humans, but Flexcin wanted to know if there was a link with the growing number of dogs, ages 4-7, that are given the FlexPet supplement for degenerative joints. 

(Yes, dogs aged 4 ot 7 getting arthritis! They're going to need a special elevator installed in the mansion to get up to their master bedroom suite...)

FlexPet experts and pet advisors believe dog arthritis typically doesn't begin to show itself until age seven in an average dog. And while the bulk of pet owners seeking FlexPet have dogs in their senior years, a growing number of dogs between the ages of four and seven now are taking the FlexPet supplement. "There are some similarities between the dog and human bodies, and joint degeneration is certainly one of them," said Tamer Elsafy, CEO and founder of Flexcin International, maker of the FlexPet supplement.

So...this company that makes a supplement for joint health in dogs...found that owners are giving their medicine to younger puppies...that come from pet stores, not breeders or shelters. And really, there is no SADDER place than a pet store. Now I admit I get suspicious of people who seem to be obsessed about animal welfare and health, instead of advocating on behalf of our own human species who are suffering...but this next paragraph is pretty sad.

Debi Day of the No Kill Nation believes pet stores and puppy mills play a significant role in the lack of health later on in a dog's life. "Puppies and dogs that come from pet stores are most often raised in cramped, small cages, and they mostly receive no exercise because of a severe lack of space and the breeders don't care about their welfare," said Day in the FlexPet blog. "Muscle atrophy sets in, and their back and hips never get fully developed, not to mention mental problems that can occur due to 'cage rage.'"

OK, a pretty serious PROD, as I warned. But I still keep picturing some young realityTV-utant cooing over her arthritic MaltaPekePoo while her actual sickly grandfather rots in a shoddy nursing home. Maybe that's just me...

PROD VI: Drill baby, drill!

So Awesome CoWorker is BACK!  And all is right with the world.  So you can imagine, in my elevated state, what I thought when I saw this headline appear in my mailbox at work:

What Will Turn Us On in 2030?   

This press release is, tragically, not about what I thought it was going to be about.  Sex toys of the future--now THAT is a story!  Flying vibrators... solar powered pasties.  The mind reels... So imagine my disappointment when I opened the email to find this:

Billions of dollars each year are poured into the development of solar, nuclear, biological, and other energies to substitute for fossil fuels. But so far, issues of cost, efficiency, and scalability call into question the arrival of the next era of energy. Can any alternative sources become viably competitive with fossil fuels? 

Turns out, it's an invitation to some kind of Rape the Earth 4Ever seminar, which features tantalizing talks like:

9:05 a.m. - Oil: Innocent Until Proven Guilty

Bruce Everett

International Business Professor, Fletcher School, Tufts University
Downstream Government Relations Manager, ExxonMobil (1999-2002)

Yes... Why are we SO HARD ON OIL?  Why does oil not even get a fair trial?  You're not still whining about the Gulf Coast are you?  Sucka please.  local restaurants are saying the seafood never tasted better.  The oil FLAVORED it.  YOU PUT OIL ON YOUR SALAD, DON'T YOU??  Oh. Snap.

...now let's talk about Bruce's title: Downstream Government Relations Manager...FOR EXXON?  (Personally, I would not want to be downstream from the government.  I think that's how you contract Giardia.)  Does he put Exxon spin on the fallout from oil spills?  I'm seeing slogans like: "Muscles... They belong on your ARMS, not in your Stomach!" and "My Other Car is a Hummer!"

and "You say the beach is covered with tar?  Um... shouldn't you be AT WORK YOU LAZY COMMUNIST?!"

The fun does NOT stop there.  Consider this amazing one-two punch: 

10:20 a.m. - Video: Does Alternative Energy Have Street Cred?

10:25 a.m. - What Will Drive Us in 2030? (Hint the Consumer is Always...)

RIGHT!  Unless that consumer is into wind power, in which case, can't we drag them to Texas and execute them for something?  Loitering or... facial hair?  Which leads me to this amazing talk:

11:15 a.m. - Presentation: Why Batteries  

Right?  Especially when there's perfectly good oil locked up in rocks 60-thousand feet under the ocean!  Batteries... don't make me laugh.

There's lunch, a couple of other talks and then this:

  

4:00 p.m. - Video: Everything You Heard Here Today Could Be Wrong

YES!  I love a good old fashioned Hamlet-style twist at the end of a long day of earth raping!  I hate to play into the stereotype of liberal, hippie journalists but...WHO ATTENDS these weird lectures?  Trade journalists from Oil Rigs Monthly?  

ON THE OTHER HAND... oil companies have a lot of money... Like a LOT of money.  So it stands to reason the food is decent... there's very likely an open bar... VERY...LIKELY...

It really is important to explore both sides of important issues. 

Your Drink - But Sexier

Words fail me on this one, dear readers...so I am simply going to highlight a few of my favorite lines from this SUPER HOT SEXY press release...and let Awesome Coworker chime in as she sees fit.Yes, I'm back from the wilds of Europe...but had I seen this amazing product there, I'm sure I would have had a more fabulous time!

Passion drives packaging for new Latin liquor brand 

 

The SX brand, which stands for “Sensual” and “eXotic,” includes three varieties.

(Well at least someone recognizes that "exotic" actually starts with an "e"...)  

CLICK TO ENLARGE

A new line of liquors targeted at “discerning female consumers,” SX appeared on Florida store shelves in June in a sensuously contoured bottle that suggests the exotic infusion of Latin-inspired flavors within....

Developed by SX Latin Liquors of Fort Lauderdale, Florida...

(Where all the CLASSIEST products are of course created)

...the brand relies on a bottle with flowing feminine movement, designed by 4sight inc., along with exotic ingredients to deliver on a bold brand promise: “Your Drink. Sexier!”

The SX brand, which stands for “Sensual” and “eXotic,” ...

(in case you forgot!)

...includes three varieties, each named after a Latin dance: SXchachacha tequila, SXcalypso rum, and SXsamba cachaca rum. SX founder and CEO David Knight identified tequila for SX’s first product line because of its fast-growing popularity, but current lack of category innovation. “We wanted to introduce something that would grow the category and attract new users,” he says. “Key to that proposition was to produce a bottle that breaks industry norms and stands out.”

In development for nearly two years...

the glass bottle is a tall, slim column with feminine curves “intended to suggest the movement and passion of Latin dance, while also being reminiscent of the slit in a dress”

(Have YOU ever tried to Samba when you're wasted on rum? No easy feat, ladies.)

...“The curvaceous bottle exudes pure sensuality and mystique.”

(Yes, you are the ultimate maneater tequila shot-gulping vixen, and the bottle - the sensuous, curvaceous BOTTLE - for this new rotgut booze is going to lure dozens of Antonio Banderas lookalikes into your lair!)